Reason
by rainydays-inc
Summary: In the season finale, Elena did what she thought she'd never do; she didn't survive. Now she has the impossible choice, of choosing to exist as a soulless, blood-sucking creature, or to die. Two-shot.
1. Awakening

**First Fic, hope you like!**

_I sit up to see a dull, gray room, with white florescent lights and a wall of metal drawers. I am cold, bone cold, and wet and—I look around, see Stefan watching me, eyes full of pain and regret._

I remember when I first awakened from death. I was a mess. Very much like I am now.

_Stefan, what's going on? I wanted to say it, but I couldn't. My mouth opened, but no coherent sound came out. My throat was hoarse._

_Instead I just looked at him. He had saved Matt right? Then me. He saved us both._

_We were in the hospital, I knew that much. I must have been unconscious, that's why I'm here. Lying on a metal table amidst dozens of metal drawers in a dull, metal room._

I never actually saw my parents right after they died. They were taken out of the river, and I didn't see them again until the funeral.

I didn't know I was in the morgue.

"_I'm so sorry Elena." Stefan looked so heartbroken. I reached to him, rested my palm on his cheek, and asked with my eyes. Why are you sorry?_

_Stefan held my hand to his cheek and looked deep into my eyes. "I didn't save you."_

_I was still for a moment, before everything came crashing back to me. I had died. I told Stefan to save Matt, knowing it was too late for me._

_But how am I here? Is here really here? Am I having an Out of Body experience, waiting to ascend to the hereafter?_

_The questions must have been written on my face. "You're in transition" he told me softly, his eyes never leaving mine, his hand still over mine._

"_Did you…" I croaked, knowing he would understand. He shook his head no._

"_Who?" I asked as the door swung open and slammed into the wall._

"_Where is she?" Damon. He couldn't have done it, because he was nowhere near me at the time._

_I turned to him as he stepped through the door. I saw his anger, his resentment. His pain, his guilt. I saw his eyes, wet with emotion._

_He stared at me, for a long time before he swallowed and spoke softly._

"_Stefan. Let's get her out of here. Being around dead bodies will make her sick or something." His voice lacked its usual spark. "I'll go get the car." He turned to leave._

**Thankyou so much for reading! I've got one last chapter, and that will go into her decision, and it will be longer.**

**Remember: Reviews make happy authors ;)**


	2. That Still Voice

_My name is Elena Gilbert. I live in Mystic Falls._

_I lay in my bedroom, the lights off, the windows covered. _

_I sit in the middle of the bed, knees drawn up to my chest. _

_My door is locked;_

_Someone tries to turn the knob every once in a while. _

_The bathroom door is open. The faucet is dripping._

_My jaw is throbbing- My head is pounding. _

_I hear their movement below me, _

_Their murmuring concern for me._

I list facts in my head,

_Things that I can feel or see or hear or do_

_These things I know are true._

When I do not know what to do.

_Someone runs the tap. Another opens the cabinet._

_A door opens, then slams shut._

_There is yelling, there is pleading._

I can't bring myself feel concern.

_Pounding steps move up the stairs._

_Pounding steps come towards my door._

_Pounding steps stop._

There is a moment of silence. I know someone is just outside the door.

"_Elena_."

That voice. _So quiet, so still._

"_Elena, say something_." He sighs quietly behind the door.

_That voice, so full of sorrow._

"Please." _The voice breaks, and so do I._

I feel the tears falling. I begin to sob.

_What am I doing?_

The door is open; I know I did not open it.

He comes to my bedside and watches me.

_I can't do this! I can't I can't I can't!_

_I can't be a vampire! I can't!_

_I will not be a monster._

I watched Stefan and Damon and Caroline in their darkest times. I watched them fall.

_I am not strong enough to get back up._

_I'll fall and I'll be down and I'll stay down._

I am going to die.

"So that's it then?" I don't look at him. I continue to cry.

The bed shifts. He has sat down on the bed. He shifts toward me.

"_You're going to let yourself die?"_ The voice shakes with anger.

_So different from that still sorrow in that still voice._

I look at him then. The deep shadows of the room seemed to merge with him. He was layered in black—black leather jacket, black pants, black shirt. I could make out the hair, the deepest, truest black. I could see his face, bathed in shadow. I could find his eyes, but I chose not to. I knew they would be bright with compassion.

_Compassion for me. _

_Compassion for you. _

_Compassion, compassion, compassion._

"Elena, look at me."

I did. My sobs had quieted, my tears had stopped.

_I looked at him and I saw._

_I looked at him and I heard. _

_I looked at him and I felt._

I looked at him, and I knew that I couldn't let myself die.

I looked into his eyes and I saw the weight of the world. I saw the guilt of taking a life. I saw the burdens of living, watching loved ones die. I saw the sorrow of watching the girl he loved leave him for another. Twice.

_I saw._

I saw his pain of watching me die. I saw Stefan's pain. I saw Matt's pain, Bonnie's pain, Caroline's pain.

_Jeremy's pain._

_Oh._

I looked into his eyes. I know he knew. I couldn't let myself die. Dying would be terribly selfish of me. To leave my problems behind for others to solve. To leave the three most important people in my life behind to pick up the pieces.

_Jeremy. Stefan. Damon._

"Don't do this to yourself, Elena. Don't." Damon took my hands in his. He held them firmly, in a warm cocoon of compassion.

Compassion.

Love.

It's all the same.

I watched him for many moments.

I smiled, a small wobbly smile.

"_I won't."_

I finally spoke.

FIN

**Sorry that took forever to update. Between school work, tennis, violin, etc, I just haven't had the time. **

**I rewrote this chapter a couple of times. I didn't know what to write.**

**I am glad I waited though. This came out better than my other trials.**

**I don't know why this came out looking like a poem. I just began typing, and went with the flow.**

**This story was a bit of an experiment, though. Its my first time writing something that isn't for school.**

**Tell me what you think! And remember: **

**Reviews make happy authors ;)**


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